Coming Back to the Kitchen: Finding Healing in a New Season

It’s been a long time since I’ve shown up here—or even shown up in my own kitchen in the ways I used to. For years, cooking and baking were such an effortless extension of who I was. They grounded me, fueled me, and brought me so much joy. But as life got heavier and more complicated, that part of me slowly went quiet, and honestly, I could only manage my basics (like homemade granola).

Maple & Cinnamon Granola

The last several years have been some of the hardest I’ve ever walked through.

Moving (from a family home—the one I had known my whole life.) An unexpected kinship placement. Running a ministry full of beautiful, but heavy stories. Navigating marriage, kids, homeschooling, chaos, hardship, crisis, and the weight of everyone’s needs while stuffing down my own and not making adequate space for real soul care, because it didn't seem possible.

When you live in survival mode, you don’t realize how much you’re holding until it all finally catches up.

This past year, it did.

And as painful as that unraveling has been, it’s also been the beginning of real, deep, needed healing. Jesus has been the One holding me up through all of it. I’ve clung to Him in a way I never have before, trusting Him to steady me when my world felt unsteady. One verse that has anchored me again and again is:

“He restores my soul.” — Psalm 23:3

A delicious latte poured by Pete :)

That restoring work has looked like slowing down, breathing deeply, counseling, biblical lament, nurturing my marriage, practicing gratitude, looking for moments to laugh, and letting the Lord show me the small things that bring life back into my bones—the simple joys He placed in me on purpose.

One of those things, is my kitchen.
A place to create, experiment, dance, smell, taste, share, and be nourished.

This time it's not the kitchen in my grandmother’s house with her electric stove (which I loved because it was hers and so comfortable and sentimental and held part of our family history). 

And not the  kitchen with the tiny gas stove in my first apartment with Pete, that miraculously survived as I cooked full six-course Tablenosh dinners, creating wildly ambitious meals, and practiced baking my first wedding cakes! I still cannot believe what I managed on that tiny little thing.

But the kitchen I have in this season!! The time has come to embrace this new-for-me kitchen in our humble fixer upper home that God has provided (and sent a village to help us restore.)

In my new kitchen sits the most incredible centerpiece, that a dear friend found second hand, just for me — it is a Viking. Huge. Stunning. And about three times the size of that humble Tablenosh stove of years past!

Do I fully know how to use it yet?
Not really.

Am I excited about it?
Absolutely.

It feels symbolic—this gift of capacity, creativity, and invitation in a season where the Lord is rebuilding me from the inside out. Jesus knows my heart. He knows He made me to love hospitality. And I’m realizing again that this gift—this love of creating, feeding, and welcoming—is from Him.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace.” — 1 Peter 4:10

 Pumpkin Spice Cake w/browned butter frosting

God gave me this passion on purpose. It glorifies Him. It brings me joy.
And I’m learning that my nervous system actually needs me to make space for creating in the kitchen again.

I want to step back into this space—not out of pressure or perfection, but out of gratitude and healing.
Not to perform, but to worship.
Not to hustle, but to breathe.

Maybe that’s why this imperfect, unfinished kitchen feels like such sacred ground right now. It mirrors me—still healing, still being restored, still under construction… yet full of potential and beauty that’s slowly coming back to life.

As I return to cooking, my prayer is simple:

“Lord, use this space for healing, delighting, creating, sharing—and may I glorify You in it.”

So here’s to a new season—gentler, slower, and more honest than any before it.
Here’s to healing in this new-old house.
Here’s to learning the giant Viking stove.
Here’s to feeding people again, right at this table.
And here’s to a kitchen becoming a place of creativity, laughter, love, and grounding—one meal, one moment, one breath at a time.

Okay, that’s it for now—I’ve got to go make a pumpkin spice cheesecake with a gingersnap crust for a friend’s 40th! Let’s hope I get the temperature right!

2020 Joyful Holiday Baking (Gingerbread Loaf w/Caramel Sauce)

We all know 2020 has really been quite a year, to say the least, and I am not going to attempt to say much more. What I can say is I am praising God we finished our first term of offically homeschooling my kids and I think we all learned something. We celebrated what we learned this past week through 'exams', but it was a whole new concept of exams for me...because they were all about celebrating and seeing what we HAD learned not what 'we hadn't.' And to finish our week we ate yummy icecream sundays with homemade salted caramel sauce and all felt joyful for at least a few moments!

Yesterday I woke up determined to crank up the Christmas music in my kitchen and kick off some holiday baking by experimenting with a new gluten-free gingerbread loaf, drizzled with some of the leftover salted caramel that Mason and I had made the day before. I love gingerbread and molasses and all those warm delicious spices, and I was feeling determined to put my new flour mill to work grinding up some of the sprouted oats I have enjoyed baking with lately.  And even though it is costly, I also love adding almond meal or pecan meal wherever possible to cookies, quick loaves or pancakes which brings flavor and moisture and a little protein.

Anyhow, I was very pleased with how it turned out and thought I would share the recipe. I was even MORE pleased that the car wouldn't start (one of my darlings left the lights on again) and it meant we had to tell the friends we were planning to meet at the park to just come on over to our house. This meant I could actually serve this gingerbread spice cake with caramel sauce to dear friends that we had not seen in ages, and if you know me...you know food means nothing without people gathered around it to enjoy! 

Not only did I kick off the holiday baking, I could not help myself from getting personal and posting about it on social media - hopefully it felt like a joyous 'Leila post' celebrating some daily life instead of just sharing about Patty's Hope and foster care(which is also my daily life), but you know what I mean, a different topic! 

Okay here ya go, I based the recipe on a gf bundt cake recipe I found on another blog and made a few tweaks using the flours I wanted and dropping the sugar levels a bit. This can also be made in a bundt pan as a cake, but I decided to split it into two loaves.

Gingerbread Spice Loaf with Salted Caramel

DRY INGREDIENTS:

• ▢1.5 cups oat flour (or other GF flour of choice)
• ▢1 cup almond flour
• 2 Tablespoons tapioca flour/starch
• ▢1 teaspoon baking powder
• ▢1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• ▢3/4 teaspoon salt
• ▢2 teaspoons ground ginger
• ▢1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• ▢1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• ▢1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• ▢1/4 teaspoon allspice

OTHER:

• ▢1 cup brown sugar (a little more if you want a sweeter cake)
• ▢1 stick butter, (8 tablespoons, 1/2 cup)
• ▢2 eggs
• ▢2 teaspoons lemon juice
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 1 cup hot water 
                                                                                         
  

  Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350F. Grease 2 loaf pans (or use parchment paper to line) or use a 10 to 12 cup bundt pan.
  • In a medium bowl, mix together the dry ingredients. Set aside.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer, add the brown sugar and butter. Mix until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time beating after each addition. Mix in the lemon juice and molasses. Mix well to combine, scrapping down the sides and bottom of the bowl as needed.
  • Add the flour mixture in three additions alternately with the water starting and ending with the flour. Mix until just smooth. Pour the batter into the prepared pans.
  • Bake for 35-45 minutes if doing two loaves otherwise 50-55 minutes if bundt cake, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with, at most, a few moist crumbs.

    Cool in the pan for 10 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack. Cool completely.

  
  

• OTHER:

• I drizzled mine with salted caramel sauce but you could do a lemon glaze or it would pair nicely with a cream cheese frosting. Here is the link to the recipe I followed for the caramel sauce. Enjoy!

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Reviving my food passion...PLEASE!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I cannot believe how long it has really been since I wrote a blog post and how times have changed with my precious little ones keeping me busy! Nonetheless, I am still passionate about food and cooking and eating.  But I have a lot less time to think about it and am often exhausted when it comes time to cook dinner.  However, with the garden beginning to grow and some recent health issues, I am rebooting my paleo, auto-immune, healing body with good food journey.


With that being said we are also still working diligently to get the doors open of our nonprofit organization (Patty's Hope), today I had the thought that I think it might be easier to run an 'underground' Paleo restaurant than running a nonprofit...whew it is HARD work, but we are determined and the NEED is so very real.  Wouldn't it be awesome if one day I was running a little cafe with a paleo menu and more and best of all able to employ and teach the moms with work with...this is a good dream.

So, I am slowly going back to paleo and eventually maybe auto-immune protocol (a much slower approach this time and hoping for longevity!) I am thinking it might be nice to blog a little along the way, especially the good recipes I discover as well as any health changes and healing.

Here goes to better eating and more healing...Again!

Holiday baking...Holiday eating!!!!!

Oh it has once again been entirely toooooo long since I posted.  Tablenosh I am sorry!  I am still here and still longing to cook more and feed more and host more.

And somehow it is already November...truly truly where does the time go?  I always do enjoy this time of year and somehow find the energy and zeal to bake more, especially for friends and family and festivities. Tablenosh is going to be selling some fresh baked goods at a little RVA Holiday Event this coming Sunday and I am also going to take orders for Christmas.

I am definitely feeling more confident in my gluten-free baking skills and have actually found multiple recipes that I prefer over recipes with gluten.  I wish I could say I had time to pull off a real deal 'tablenosh' holiday feast but can't fathom it yet.  M & A really need to learn how to be my sous chefs!  They are in training :)

I had a few gals over last week and practiced with some GF treats...mini spiced pumpkin cheesecakes, chocolate caramel brownies and classic vanilla bean creme brulee!

Okay that's it...gotta get dinner on the table!  But am blogging something again SOON...maybe some holiday recipes?!

Tablenoshing on the Side Porch!

Well friends I have decided it is high time I do some 'tablenoshing'...we have the space...the kids are a little older and I miss gathering people from different walks of life, places, stages etc. over food!  So I am attempting to get a little morning side-porch cafe action happening.

The Concept: 'Tablenosh' in my mind basically means bringing people together through food...gathering, eating, drinking and delighting in the goodness of creation.  My side-porch and home will be opened up through word of mouth to friends, neighbors, moms, college students and whoever else finds their way here.  You are free to grab a fresh baked muffin and cup of coffee while watching your kids play in the backyard, or meet a friend and relax in a cozy setting to catch up, or bring your laptop and get some work done...hopefully the setting will be suitable for a number of different people.

The Menu: Each time the side-porch is open their will be varying things on offer to savor and sip.  Always coffee of some sort maybe a cold-brew over ice or something warm and steamy.  Ingredients will be sourced as local and organic as possible and the menu will always have something gluten free or paleo friendly.  Tablenosh has always operated on donations, so there will be a donations jar out and donations are welcome, but not necessary to come and partake.

The Time & Place:  My first 'tablenosh' side porch cafe will happen THIS Friday, August 28 from 9am - 12pm on the side porch of my home in RVA located at 7704 Brookside Road.  And future events will be updated onto this blog site, facebook and word of mouth.

The People: Friends, neighbors, moms, college students, workers...anyone who needs a unique comfortable place to eat good food, chat, work, play in the yard, etc.

I wish I could tell you the menu for this week but I am still thinking about it...and also want to get an idea of how many people might actually come by!  So please let me know if this type of thing sounds like it 

is up your alley...

Falling off the AIP wagon...

My confession picture!

Well friends what can I say the Auto Immune Paleo diet is REALLY REALLY hard and I did a great job for 7 weeks before I began to crumble.  I imagine if I could have stopped my life and had no travel plans for the summer, no outings, no dinners with friends or family and an endless budget I could have maintained things a little longer (and maybe if I was a more disciplined person).

I really thought summer would be a great time to do AIP because of all the fresh veggies and fruits in season, but one of the things required on the diet it avoiding 'nightshades' this includes tomatoes, peppers and eggplants which are all very popular in summertime (and delicious).  It also did not help that after a couple of weeks of travelling from the Bachelorette weekend to a family beach week my husband went overseas for three weeks.  I thought the diet would be easier with him gone - this was not the case as I was so exhausted from chasing my two 2 year olds around that I had zero energy to prepare and cook for myself...and my old emotional eating habits came right back into play (I even got so crazy as to dress my kids up like cows and go to Chik Fil A and buy myself a milkshake!).  The good news was I did not suffer from any migraines the whole time he was gone - despite the fact I totally derailed from the diet and was eating sugar, dairy, grains, etc. - so I am still very hopeful that some healing happened in those 7 weeks.

Another thing that I think is really important if you want to succeed in doing AIP - get a buddy!  Those first 4 weeks I had a friend who was also doing it and it was really encouraging to be sharing recipes, checking in with each other and having someone to relate to.  So if my husband and my kids were all eating like this and I had an endless budget for fresh produce, good meats, etc. then I think I may have lasted longer.  All this to say I learned a lot and actually hope to resume again when the timing is a little better...maybe the fall when apples, sweet potatoes and all those good root veggies are in season! :)

If you are trying to get yourself motivated to give AIP a try please do not let me discourage you - just know you need to be well prepared with time, energy and resources to devote to it.

Aip BBQ Chicken Flatbread & More

Homemade Kombucha with Berries, Lime & Mint

AIP is very HARD...I am just not going to sugar coat it!  I have already had a few moments of weakness but just try to offer myself grace and move forward.  And no noticeable differences with my body yet, but only early days.  I can actually hardly believe I have stayed pretty strong with no dairy, eggs or nuts.  These things were what I really struggled to give up a couple of months ago when I attempted something called the 'whole 30.'  I ended up allowing myself raw milk after 8 days of suffering through no dairy.  But this time I am feeling pretty determined, but this is definitely not easy.

It has been a good challenge to come up with exciting and enjoyable things to eat, I just wish I had a little more energy as it is definitely taking extra thought and prep time to do this.  My 'tablenosh' dinner party days almost seem like a lifetime ago, but  I definitely had more energy and was constantly learning new things and concocting new dishes.  It is good to be back in that zone to some degree, I am just at a very different stage of life not to mention different part of the world!  Maybe I will be able to crank out a 'tablenosh' dinner or two this summer for RVA...we shall see or at least get my 'side porch' underground cafe happening...

AIP BBQ Chicken Flatbread

So what have I been cooking and eating?  Lots of salads, smoothies and gelatin in everything - who knew grass fed beef gelatin was so versatile and could be put in so many things as a added source of protein.  And in the AIP world you can make a 'gelatin' egg and use it as a binder for baking.  And those of you who know me know how much I love baking, so I have been very pleased to figure this out.  One of my recent favorites is AIP flatbread! The recipe came from another bog site called the curious coconut and was my favorite recipe so far, it made enough for two and it was so nice to have the extra already made for the following day.  I made a few alterations to the bbq sauce and added some extra salt and herbs to the flat bread and was very delighted with the outcome!

In terms of the sauce, I pretty much looked at a couple other existing AIP bbq sauce recipes and decided to do the best with what I had in the fridge.  I am really not sure how it compares to others and will have to keep you posted.  I was very pleased, I would not spread it on too thick but with the chicken, mushrooms, arugula, avocado and cilantro it was delicious.

 AIP Strawberry BBQ Sauce Recipe

 1-2 cups fresh chopped strawberries

1-2 tablespoons organic molasses

1-2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

1 onion sliced and caramelized

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon ginger powder

salt to taste

Heat strawberries, molasses, vinegar in a saucepan about 5-10 minutes.  Put everything in a food processor or bullet and blend until smooth.  My measurements might not be exactly right, so keep doing it to taste, I think you call also use maple syrup in place of molasses.  And I can see how smoked salt might also be good, but I did not have any.  Any other spices you think might help I say just go for it!  This was just a start for more so I will update this when I make it again.

 What else...well this morning I made up a 'sweet potato plantain' waffle recipe...unfortunately I did not write it down so I cannot tell you exactly what made it work, but I will try it again and post the recipe soon.  The waffles actually got nice and crispy and did not taste like glue and would have been really good topped with caramelized banana and maple syrup but I did not have any on hand.  I put a little raw honey and a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

AIP Sweet Potato & Plantain Waffles

This week I am working on a few more recipes with more red meat.  I was actually raised a vegetarian and did not really start eating chicken until high school, but never had the stomach or desire for red meat.  When I started 'tablenosh' dinners in 2008 I started learning to cook with red meat and forced myself to taste it but still it did not appeal to my palate.  With the AIP it is really important that I get those nutrient dense meats into my system, so I have been trying!  So far I have only been able to eat a little grass fed ground beef that I cook into AIP lasagna or I make a taco less salad with a cilantro avocado dressing and put the ground beef on that.  Last night I hit whole foods and chatted with the butcher and stocked up on some new cuts of meat...hoping I can grow to LOVE beef & pork!  And it would be really great if I could learn to drink 'bone broth' while I am at it...I bought a bag of bones :)